Tag Archives: mothering
Forgiving Ourselves
When I was pregnant with my first child I had a great friend approach me “I’d like to have a talk with you before you have your baby.” Â I agreed to go out for dinner with her and have a “talk”. Â I didn’t know what she was going to say, but I felt like it was serious!
This friend is one who gets straight to the point. Â We were waiting for our food and she said “Now Emily. Â You are having a baby, and that is wonderful and exciting! Â It’s also really hard. Â You are going to have days where you don’t want to do it, you are going to have days where you feel like you can’t handle it, you are going to have days where you want time to yourself – time away from your baby. Â This is all normal, and ok.” My friend continued on to tell me that if I need to get away and be on my own or do my own thing for a couple of hours…or even a couple of days – that’s ok. Â That it would be easy to beat myself up about it, and to feel guilty about it, but that there was no point, and no need. Â Every mother feels this. Â I had no idea what a gift she was giving me.
I listened to my friend. Â I took it to heart, but honestly I didn’t fully understand it. Â I thought ‘sure, I’m going to need time on my own..ok..that’s ok’. Â I now have 3 children, and the oldest is 5 yrs old. Â I have played her words over in my head from the time that my oldest was a baby, through until now. Â I continue to hear her strong voice telling me it’s ok to need time to myself – this is normal and ok! Â This brief conversation has helped me tremendously over the years – she enabled me to forgive myself.
We cannot prepare ourselves entirely for parenthood. Â No one can explain the overwhelming joys and love we feel, nor the guilt we take on having set high standards for ourselves. Â We cannot prepare ourselves for the feeling that we are getting lost in our children – again, this feeling is one of joy as we lose ourselves in their world view at times, and a feeling of guilt or frustration when we realize ‘I don’t even know what makes me feel good anymore’. Â We become so focused on caring for our children and providing the best care and the best home we can. Â We are so focused on meeting their needs, and their wishes that it is easy to forget our own.
I am not be-moaning how all-consuming parenthood is.  Clearly I love it or I wouldn’t have 3!  I am wanting the mothers out there that also feel tired, consumed, guilty, joyful, in wonder, in love, protective, and proud to know that they are not alone.  That these are ALL normal and ok.  Many days you will feel like a supermom: happy about how your day went with your kids, proud of how you are parenting, joyful about the gift of parenthood, honoured to have such delightful children and to be walking this path – to be learning and growing with them.  There will be other days that don’t feel so good – a good friend wrote a blog called Regroup that I could relate to in many ways!  I love reading other moms writings – when they are honest and open about the hard times or the transformation that occurs after we have children: Rebirth: What We Don’t Say
I think it’s important to rejoice together to share the beautiful moments with one another, and also to be honest and open about the struggles.  Don’t carry around guilt about needing time on your own or about the “bad mom” days.  Forgive yourselves and know you are  not alone on this winding path.
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Posted in Motherhood
Also tagged bad day, guilt, mommy guilt, Motherhood, overwhelmed
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A simpler life.
It’s a beautiful day, and a perfect time in it to be alone. My good friend just took the little bear out for a walk – I am left here alone to work, or sleep, or write, or clean, or do whatever calls my attention most!
It’s been a long couple of months. I returned to working a part time job to supplement my income until the business could fully support me. The idea was to work part time, and exchange child care with friends so that I would not incur child care costs etc. It was a great idea in theory, but when it came down to it my “supplementing” was leaving little time to work on the business which I am trying to grow, and very little energy for my little bear who I am trying to enjoy and guide the best I can. 
 So here I am – I made the decision to quit my part time job, and focus on the business and being a mother, with the faith that dedicating that energy to the things I love will lead the little bear and I into a better life. Already I am seeing results! I was struggling with the exhaustion of nursing him more than I would like to, and him having restless sleeps, and never completing any one task in my day – now, by simplifying and prioritizing my life I spend my time with him focusing only on him and our home, and my time away from him (when fabulous friends or family members take him for a few hours!) focusing primarily on the business and furthering my education. It seems simple, and it is – but I had been struggling, trying to juggle too many things in each day. I think it was exhausting and stressful for both of us. Now the little bear sleeps through the night and he nurses only once in a 24 hr period. I feel more focused, patient, and calm. The little bear is happier and more relaxed. Life is great! Another change I have made to my life is giving up sugar. It’s been a week now without any refined sugar. I cook with molasses or honey, and eat fruit, but that’s where it ends! I used to eat a very healthy diet, and in the past year things got off track in all my attempts to stretch time and myself beyond our limits.
Here I sit at my computer, the sun streaming through the window, some relaxing music playing, a cup of herbal tea, and a very long to-do list. I feel wonderful, I feel lucky, I feel faithful, I feel inspired.
Posted in Motherhood, Uncategorized
Also tagged working mom
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Aromatherapy 101 Essay
How I Use aromatherapy in my life…
Aromatherapy has bettered my life, my work, and my role as a mother. Pleasing to the senses, and beneficial to body and soul – I couldn’t imagine my life without the healing powers of essential oils.
In my day to day life, I consistently use citrus oils to lift my spirits, and energize me for the day. A favourite of mine is grapefruit. I most often diffuse essential oils into my living space, but also add a few drops to a washcloth in my shower. I use other oils to help fight infections: whenever I feel a cold coming on I bring out essential oils that have antibacterial, antiviral and immune stimulating properties such as tea tree, eucalyptus, lemon, lavender, and bergamot. If ever I am congested I steam with thyme, oregano, lavender, and tea tree for fast relief. When anxious or overly stressed I would add some juniper, sandalwood, and petitgrain to a relaxing bath. The use of essential oils has been a big part of my everyday life for years. When I became pregnant it was difficult for me to drop the use of so many oils that had become such a part of my life – this began my intense interest in the use of essential oils throughout the childbearing year.
Throughout my pregnancy I worked with my doula to create blends safe to use, and appropriate for various side effects of being pregnant. I battled varicose veins with bergamot and geranium, I eased my many headaches with helichrysum, lavender and grapefruit, and I prevented stretchmarks with rich base oils blended with sandalwood, petitgrain, frankincense, and ylang ylang. During my very long labour I had basil and jasmine oils massaged into my body to help regulate my contractions, and ease pain. For the postpartum period I took relaxing baths with epsom salts combined with geranium essential oil to aid in perineal healing, I relieved mastitis by massaging a base oil with geranium and frankincense to relieve the blocked ducts.  I diffused jasmine, rose and neroli into my home to fight the baby blues, and I added lavender and roman chamomile to my son’s night time routine to aid his sleep – and mine! I can’t imagine how I would have survived those exhausting and overwhelming days without the use of essential oils to aid my body through this natural process. I felt that using essential oils throughout the childbearing year helped me such a lot, that my doula and I decided to start our own business making these benefits accessible to other women. We started our business when my son was 3 months old – I made the decision that I wanted to stay home with him, and work from home in a field I was passionate about until I can attend school to become a midwife. I currently work as a doula, and make natural products for moms and babies. In my doula work I use the same oils for my clients’ labours (providing there are no contraindications for health issues they may have) and provide them with the blends to aid them through the joyful and overwhelming postpartum period. My business partner and I are very careful to use only 1% concentrations in all our blending as pregnant women, and babies are very sensitive to essential oils. I am so happy to see other people benefiting as I am from the powerful advantages provided to us from nature, through the use of essential oils.
At 13 months, my son is teething quite badly. I use roman chamomile in his bath to help ease the pain before he goes to sleep. He loves his sweet scented baths! He is a healthy boy, but over the holiday season he had a stomach flu – it was awful to see him suffer through that, and quite a mess! I used a tea tree and lemon mist to spot clean his toys and our carpet. It was amazing how they not only cleaned the area, but deodorized them too! I also could use it feeling confident that it was the safest thing I could use to clean and disinfect our surroundings while he was sick – no harsh chemicals around my little guy.
I encourage friends and family to enjoy the benefits of natural alternatives to synthetically fragranced skin care, harsh cleansing agents, and even some medications. If used appropriately and carefully, essential oils can provide many people with countless benefits. I feel grateful to have had the opportunity to educate myself further on the benefits and safety precautions associated with various essential oils through West Coast Institute of Aromatherapy 101 course. I look forward to learning even more in 201, and as I continue my learning and experience working with aromatherapy in my personal and professional life.
Posted in Aromatherapy for Children
Also tagged aromatherapy, babies
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The best day EVER
It’s been so long since I’ve written! Things have been a little crazy, and busy. I am trying to co-ordinate returning to a part time job, with working on the business, with child care, with single parenting, and it’s all falling into place! This is why I haven’t written – because up until today I couldn’t see it “falling in to place” and all I felt was stress. But today – the best day ever, I feel good, empowered, positive, and confident about the future.
This morning I went to my very first session of mom and toddler Yoga – it was amazing. I haven’t really done much yoga before, but I used to be very active before the birth of my son – now I am active…but it’s running after him, not exercising for the sake of it…and I miss it! So today a dear friend of mine treated me to a yoga session that my little bear could accompany me to. We both had a great time. I feel on top of the world. We went to a new studio located at May and Moss – it’s called Hemma, and it has such a wonderful feel in there – so welcoming and calm. It just opened recently, and I think it is the perfect place for my little bear and I to go. I am planning to try and make it a weekly visit as a time for some self care, and for the little bear to socialize a bit. It’s amazing how much more connected to him I felt after the session also – like it just brought me back into the present moment…
After the yoga my dear friend did another dear thing for me and took the little bear for a walk while I had a massage I had received a gift certificate for close to a year ago! Yet another wonderful experience. I came home from this day feeling tall, strong, empowered, and positive. Then another dear friend called me up and offered to take the little bear and I out to dinner, it was wonderful not to have to cook, and to go out and enjoy a feast! What a perfect end to a perfect day. It’s amazing what a day of self care and support from friends can do.
Now I am going to begin planning my baby’s first birthday party! Already! I can’t believe it has been a year…and yet I can’t believe it’s only been a year. I imagine this feeling never goes away somehow.
How fortunate I am to have such a beautiful, sweet, amazing baby boy to share all my days with! How lucky I am to have friends to treat me to such beautiful days!
I feel full of contentment and happiness.
Posted in Motherhood
Also tagged massage, working mom, yoga
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another late night
Every morning I wake up and think “tonight I will go to bed earlier” and then the day flies by with my little bear, and it’s night again, and I have loads I still want/need to do! So here I am writing a blog between writing product descriptions, researching Waldorf, and Montessori schools for my little bear, and studying for my aromatherapy exam!
It’s amazing that one can feel so tired, and overwhelmed – yet over riding this mildly anxious feeling is such excitement. I really enjoy most every part of my days. I love my baby more than anything – I never knew that being a mother would be like this (don’t get me wrong, there are moments I just want to scream – like when he ripped my floor lamp apart and dumped a bag of cereal all over the kitchen and hallways ALL within the space of 3 min). Every morning he wakes up with a smile on his face and his arms reaching up to me and it warms my heart. It’s absolutely amazing. It’s a joy to watch him develop, to learn: he observes everything so closely and you can see him piecing the world together. He is walking so well now!! I am very excited as he is such a large baby, he gets quite heavy to carry, and now he walks the last block home, and down the long hall to our apt. He gets distracted by other people – he thinks everyone should talk to him, and he observes them so closely – I wonder sometimes what he is thinking, I love his confidence and friendly attitude, it makes me feel good to see.
My maternity leave has come to an end so quickly, so I am working hard and visualizing positive progress with the business. I am so excited for all the things to come this year, and trying hard to honour and release my feelings of impatience…
I have been feeling suddenly inspired to nest. I have been cooking lots of healthy hearty food, and it feels great! I often don’t feel inspired to cook…or even eat for that matter, but the past few days have been quite different – and best of all: the little bear is enjoying my food! Yay! He is not actually a picky eater, so I maybe shouldn’t take his judgment as a true indication of my talents in the kitchen – but it works for me.
Back to the writing and studying….
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Also tagged working mom
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Good Morning
I am so excited to write my first blog!
This morning is great – everything about it feels good. The sky is blue as if it could be July rather than January, my 11 month old is down for a peaceful nap, I have ideas for new products filling my head faster than I can write them, I just enjoyed a shower with grapefruit oil to boost my energy, and I am full of excitement for what 2008 will bring!
I am so happy that my little bear (nickname for my son) is sleeping so well these days – it’s amazing what a difference it makes to both our lives. He is teething quite badly, but still he is sleeping well! A combination of homeopathy, aromatherapy, and consistency on my part seem to have done the trick. I am not sure of the homeopathic remedy our Dr. gave us, but he is a genius! It seems to have helped my little bear in his days and nights – just seems to have put him back to normal after a disruptive trip across country for a month, 2 weeks of flu, and seemingly endless teething. As for the aromatherapy – I mist his cot with lavender and chamomile (Restful Room) every time I put him down for a nap or bedtime – the oils are relaxing, and now I think the smell just triggers his brain to recognize it is sleep time! At night he has a bath, and a massage (Sweet Baby Oil) – yes every night – isn’t he a lucky boy? If only we all got a massage every night, I think we would all be resting well and rising happy! As for my being consistent – I stick to this routine whenever possible, and try not to think of the dishes that need to be done etc., I think he must sense if I am busy in my mind -but if I can relax, it seems he can too. A good practice for me to remain present in the moment.
I think all mothers can relate to this though – remaining present in every moment is even more challenging once you have a child, yet even more important! I find that I am shocked quite often by my son’s age and development. I’ll suddenly remember that less than a year ago he was still inside my belly! And now here he is – drumming on my computer, pulling things out of cupboards, shaking his head at me, copying people’s noises (like coughing), and grinning from ear to ear even if he HEARS the camera turn on! It’s cliche I know: how the time flies.
So I am off to do some stretching before my bear rises, and I will focus on this: remain present: in all my doings, and running around, remain present because I don’t want to miss one little part of this precious gift I have been given called motherhood.
Posted in Aromatherapy for Children
Also tagged aromatherapy, babies, sleep
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