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Ending the Breastfeeding Relationship with My Daughter

I’ll never forget those precious moments, with Ivan along my side – his head resting on Camille’s legs as she lay across my lap – two pairs of beautiful big blue eyes staring up at me as I nourished my babies.

I am weaning Camille.  I am grieving the end of our breastfeeding relationship in a way I didn’t expect to.  She is my only girl, she is my sweet, gentle, loving, thoughtful little girl.

When I birth my babies I feel a sense of grief and a little anxiety about the fact that they are now on the outside.  They are no longer inside me, connected to me, being fed & protected by me.  They must breathe their own air, digest my milk, and be exposed to a little bit of the world.

Now, I am feeling that same sense of grief and anxiety – she is no longer going to receive my antibodies or the unique nutrition my milk provided her.  She is no longer a baby.  She is a toddler, she is moving into the next stage of her childhood and will learn a little more about the world, and exert her will a little more, and become a little more adventurous and independent.

I know she is ready.  I know this because she doesn’t cry for it.  She asks occasionally when she has just woken up or is cold, but other things offered provide her what she needs.  Those are the times she most wanted to nurse.  When she woke up feeling a little groggy or if we’d been out for a long walk in the rain, or she’d gotten cold in the swimming pool, then my baby girl would like the warmth and security of nursing – it wasn’t just hunger that I was abating in these moments.   But it seems she can fill her hunger with food now, she can be warmed in a blanket by the fire quite happily, and when she needs security she hides behind my legs or is reassured up in my arms.

I feel so blessed I’ve been able to tandem nurse Camille and Ivan.  It’s been a truly rewarding experience.

Now it is time for Camille and I to move into another stage of our relationship – I’m excited for what’s to come with this sweet angel, I am so blessed to have as my daughter!

 

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Labour Pains – what do they feel like? how to cope?

First time moms often wonder how they will  know they are in labour.  What will it feel like? Can it be compared to menstrual cramps?  how can they be sure it’s time?  

The great news is, if you’ve suffered from severe menstrual cramps, contractions are easier to cope with from at least one perspective – you get breaks!  With menstrual cramps, they are continuous unless relieved by medication, heat, aromatherapy, herbal teas etc., but with contractions in labour they are rhythmic and you get to rest in between.  That’s the first thing to remember, and to savour!  Tip # 1 for moving through your birthing time is to RELAX as much as possible.  If you’re not sure if “it’s happening” or not, it’s best just to carry on with a relaxing day and try your best to ignore the sensations.  If you are in the more intense stages and are certain your baby is making its way – take those breaks and focus on softening your entire body and relaxing as much as possible in between waves / contractions / tightenings.  Many women are able to doze off even if it’s just for a minute or two even in the most intense parts of their birthing time.

As far as the sensations being compared to menstrual cramps – most people describe  this sensation for the early labour – or the weeks leading up to labour.  This is most likely associated with the cervical ripening that occurs before the body moves into the birthing time.  When the “real” contractions begin, it is a bit different in that the sensations are usually a tightening all around the baby – so into your back (a little or a lot depending on the woman and the position of the baby), and up as high as your uterus has stretched.  The cervical ripening is associated more with the menstrual cramps sensation because it is lower down in the pelvis.

Often during the contractions there is a tightening all over the belly, and a discomfort low in the pelvis around the pubic bone as your body is pushing your baby in a downward motion with each contraction.  Applying some heat to this area provides great relief. Trying to keep your body relaxed THROUGH each contraction is also very useful.  Remember your uterus is a muscle working hard to move your baby down & out.  Allow your body to expend energy in that muscle while relaxing the rest of your muscles.  As I mentioned before, if you are unsure if its time, relax and carry on as much as possible.  The contractions that should have you calling your midwife or heading to the hospital will get your attention no matter what you are distracting yourself with.  They will feel strong, you will not feel like speaking through them, only breathing and focusing on your body.  Most women prefer a gentle rub in time with their breathing pattern, not to be spoken to unless it’s gentle words of reassurance and encouragement.  Anything out of time or sync with their body usually proves irritating as it is a distraction from the work they are doing.

You can practice for labour by standing with your feet a little more than should width apart, supporting your body with strong legs, but specifically softening your bum & vulva.  Rock your hips back and forth, around in circles and move them in any other ways that feel good.  Belly dancing is a great thing to do to keep your pelvis loose!  Soften your whole body aside from your strong legs supporting you, lean forward with your arms resting on the back of a couch or a counter or some other support if it feels good.  If your partner is around get into a slow dance position and rock your hips with a focus on relaxing your shoulders, your face, your bum and your vulva – you are letting your baby down.  Breathe deeply softening your body with each exhale.  Imagine the tightening of your belly hugging your baby and moving it down – closer to being in your arms.  It is good practice for your partner to support you, move in time with what feels good to you, breathe in time with you if it seems right.  Having someone breathe slowly and deeply with you can keep you on track with it as things intensify.  If we breathe quickly our body tenses, keep it slow and if you feel like toning, keep it low.

Every woman will want to move into different positions at different times to cope – follow what feels right for your body.  Do what feels right for moving your baby down.  Trust your body & your baby.

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1 week in

It’s been one week since we welcomed our 4th, and last child.  Ivan was born at home.  It was a perfect birth for me, and I will write a more detailed birth story when the time feels right.

Leading up to Ivan’s birth I was nervous about how our 18 month old daughter would respond to another baby in the house – someone that she had to share mama’s milk with, a little being that required so much of her parents.  So far things have been great!  We talked A LOT about her sharing mama’s milk, and telling her the baby would come out of mama’s tummy soon.  She participated at all the midwife visits – listening with the feta-scope to the baby, palpating my belly and helping measure the fundal height.  She seemed to really understand that we were checking on baby – and equally now, she seems to understand that the baby came out!  I am just waiting for her to grab her stethescope from her doctor’s kit and lift up my shirt to listen to baby as she did throughout the pregnancy, but so far she seems to be clear that there is no baby in mama’s tummy any more   It really astounds me how much children can understand at such a young age!

Babies 18 months apart.

1 week in to 18 months apart!

The first weeks after a baby’s arrival are emotional to say the least.  Everyone experiences a different range of emotions, concerns, and joys.  For me my heart swells bigger than I can ever imagine.  My first I loved so deeply, I had no idea I was capable of such love, as his siblings were born I was amazed at the way my heart’s capacity for love just continued to expand.  I feel so much love for my new baby, as well as for my older babies, and memories of their births and first weeks of life come flooding back – I find just remembering their birth and newborn stage gives me extra compassion for whatever difficulties they are experiencing at their current stage.  Suddenly I have the empathy for them as a baby as well as the difficult 5 yr old I’m struggling to understand at times.  I love this reminder, I love how it impacts my parenting.

As I lie with Ivan curled up on my chest I am overcome with love, and with some sadness too.  This is the last baby I will birth, all of my children are out.  I always have an acute awareness of how protected my babies were in my belly versus how vulnerable they are once out and in the world.  I also feel a pang of grief that I will not experience pregnancy, birth, and the newborn stage again.  I feel I am finished – pregnancies become increasingly uncomfortable, and difficult the more you have, and I’ve had amazing birth experiences – I couldn’t ask for more.  But that feeling of holding your newborn – nothing can compare to it, and I don’t know if anyone could ever feel “done” with that.  It prompted me to dig a little deeper into WHY it feels SOO amazing.  It’s not that we love our children any less as they get older – in fact if anything we love them in several more ways as we learn about them and get to know them.  I think for me just the fact that I can hold them curled up on my chest for hours is a big part of it!  If I could hold my 5 yr old like that I would.  It was tough cuddling my older babies while I was pregnant, but now without the belly in the way I can snuggle them all up on my lap!

I’m off to hold each one of them tight.

 



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Labouring with a Posterior Baby

Having birthed 2 posterior babes, and supported many women through labours with posterior babies – I have learned a few things worth sharing with mamas to be, and doulas.

First off are signs to look for.  A well known “symptom” of a a posterior labour is back labour.  Back labour isn’t necessarily an indication that the baby is posterior, some women experience back labour because of previous back problems or muscle strain, but it should be taken into consideration that it may be an indication of a posterior baby.  Another clue to baby’s position is the contraction pattern. A typcial contraction pattern for posterior babies is coupling.  First an intense wave / contraction, then followed by a less intense one, then a longer gap followed by a strong one, quickly followed again by a less intense one, and again.  An observaion of this wave / contraction pattern should alert the doula to the possibility that the baby may be posterior.  A long first stage or stalling in active labour is another indicator.

Secondly – consider how the posterior position impacts progression and birthing.  When a baby is posterior their head does not apply the same even pressure the cervix that an aterior baby does, and this can cause a delay in dilation.  Posterior babies are generally associated with longer harder labours, but there are solutions!

For some more information on solutions I refer to you to the Spinning Babies website.  I could re-iterate everything she has here, but her website is dedicated to dealing with babies in “difficult” positions – so go there to learn more about optimal fetal position in late pregnancy and early labour, and physical ways to help turn your baby / your client’s baby anterior.  Using inversions (shown on the SB website), pulsatilla homeopathics, hands and knees positions, rebozo techniques, lunges, positive visual cues, and patience babies will often turn to a more optimal position.

IF the baby does not turn, it may do so later in the labour, or it may simply be delivered posterior!

As for medical interventions: often in a posterior labour, if a mom’s dilation stalls for a significant amount of time, an epidural may be recommended.  An epidural can facilitate the baby turning by allowing the pelvic muscles to relax.  I have also seen a mom have her baby manually turned to the anterior position after the relief of an epidural and with the skilled hands of an OB.  Before all that though – check out spinning babies, and keep these 3 tools in your doula bag / birth kit: a TENS machine to relieve back labour, homeopathic remedies pulsatilla to encourage baby to turn, and caulophyllum to stimulate a more regular contraction patter, and a rebozo that can be used to “sift” the belly encouraging baby to turn.

For me personally: I had an epidural with my first baby when I stopped progressing at 6 cm – it was disappointing as I’d planned an unmedicated home birth.  My son didn’t turn in the end, but I did fully dilate after another 10 hrs and I delivered him vaginally - posterior and asynclitic .  My second baby was posterior for weeks leading up to the birth, and I did everything I could to try and turn her – she simply refused – so I surrendered myself to delivering another posterior baby.  What a difference between the 2 births!  As my body had done it all before (and other factors I’m sure), it took only 3 hours as opposed to 46 despite her position.  Now pregnant with #3 I am almost certain that my body simply favours a posterior position and anticipate to deliver that way again.  So although we do talk about “optimal” positioning for a good reason – if you do all you can and baby remains in their chosen position – have faith in the process!

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Do Doulas hire Doulas?

I’ve had a few people ask me:

“so since you already know so much, will you still have a doula at your birth?”

“Absolutely!”

The truth is I do have extensive knowledge about birth, and also about how beneficial support throughout labour is :) My husband is a great support in many ways, but when it comes down to it no one can do it all.  I tend to self talk in my labour and go inside my head a bit, but I STILL need someone calm & experienced in supporting labouring moms around.

I want my doula there to:

  • “hold the space” making things more relaxed for my husband to enjoy the experience, to setup and fill our birth pool
  • put the straw to my lips instead of asking “do you want something to drink?”
  • to rub my hips or back while my husband is face to face with me telling me he loves me
  • to KNOW when to call our midwife instead of me making that decision (last time I just denied how quickly things were progressing and easily convinced my husband which made for a bit of a rush around in the 2nd stage)
  • to “bring me down” when I’m getting caught up in the intensity
  • to make me something to eat while my husband and children and I snuggle our baby in our bed

This will be my 3rd birth, and I feel confident, relaxed, excited even about giving birth again – but I would never pass up having an extra set of hands and another knowledgeable calm person in the room!



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Doula Partnership

The benefits to you having a doula team:

  • If you require physical support from your doula for more than 24 hrs it is often helpful to have a rested doula with fresh energy!  It is wonderful if you have already gotten to know and develop a relationship with both the doulas that may be attending your birth.
  • If your doula is sick or has an emergency, you will need a backup! Again – knowing the person standing in is part of what helps you feel relaxed, and comfortable.
  • Your doula can get in touch with her partner in births where some brainstorming may be helpful – in a partnership you are drawing on doubled years of experience while maintaining confidentiality within your support team.

I worked as a “solo doula” from 2005-2010.  I was on call 24/7 and had a couple of near misses where one client was in labour before their expected due date, another was running late, and I was concerned I’d have to send a back up for one of my clients.  I never want to miss a birth!  I think most doulas would tell you the same thing.  We develop a relationship with our clients, we love birth, and we want to be there to support the people who have given us the honour of choosing us as a member of their support team.

In 2010 I met Jill Colpitts.  What a lovely she is!  A busy woman, running Midwifery Supplies Canada, Mama Goddess Birth Shop, teaching CPR, and a doula.  I was working as an office manger at Pomegranate Midwives, the busiest midwifery clinic in Vancouver, parenting my 2 boys, and running my online business.  We started discussing our passion for birth, our love of doula work, and the challenges that come with juggling other work with being on call.  This was the first time I’d considered partnering with another doula – as we talked I felt that our philosophy in supporting families, our commitment to clients, and our need to find more of a balance in our busy lives would make us a perfect pair.  I asked Jill if she’d ever considered a doula partnership, and the rest is history!  Between us we have supported over 150 families.

Jill and I attend interviews with potential clients together.  Us working on a call schedule means that our clients need to feel great about hiring us both, because either of us could be on call the day their baby decides to make his/her way in to the world.

If a mother and her partner choose to hire us, we each attend one prenatal visit allowing some one on one time to get to know each other.

We provide our clients with a call schedule – we use a Google Calendar, so for those that have gmail we just share the calendar, and those that don’t I send a PDF.

We offer on call support 24/7.  We often have clients calling and emailing as their birthing time draws near.  We welcome any questions or chats, whether it’s regarding a discomfort, a fear, or an excitement and suggestion needed for infant carriers!

When early labour begins we ask our clients to give us a heads up.  We make every effort to have whichever one of us goes, to stay throughout the birth.  One of us is with you from when you feel you need support, until about 2 hours after your baby is born.  If you are birthing at home we tidy and throw on a load of laundry, make you something to eat and make sure you are settled in for some rest.  If you are birthing in the hospital we again make sure you get something to eat, assist with latching baby and help with getting you settled in with everything you need from your car / hospital bags.

We also provide postpartum support.  Assistance with normal infant care, again phone and email support as you adjust to parenthood, and additional resources.  Jill is close to finishing up her requirements and becoming a La Leche League Leader, we are both breastfeeding our own babies and are very experienced in supporting women in breastfeeding.

Our partnership in doula services allows us to offer you experienced and immediate support.  Please feel free to contact us to find out more or set-up an interview!

Emily

 

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Tips for Achieving a Positive Birth Experience

***Please be aware that not all of the tips given are necessary or safe for everyone – please talk to your midwife or doctor about all of the information here before using any of it!***

  • Eat well – it is important to maintain a healthy diet throughout your pregnancy.  Frequent, small meals high in protein throughout the day will help minimize sugar cravings and maintain energy levels.  Snacking on nuts and vegetables is a great way to nourish your body.  Fruits and sugary snacks should be kept to a minimum so as not to increase your risk for gestational diabetes.
  • Exercisemaintaining flexibility and fitness levels is important for the work of labour!  Prenatal yoga, swimming, and walking are all excellent forms of moderate exercise.  Exercise can help you maintain your energy levels and improve your sleep and overall comfort throughout your pregnancy.  Be sure to consult your health care provider before beginning any new exercise routines, or if you feel any unusual discomfort.
  • Cervical Ripeningbefore labour can begin, the cervix has to soften and shorten.  Acupuncture, the application of evening primrose oil to the cervix, sexual intercourse, and the use of homeopathics can all aid in the progression of cervical ripening.  Make sure the acupuncturist you see is experienced and specializes in working with ecxpectant mothers, and of course consult with your health care provider before doing anything to ripen your cervix.  Cervical ripening (if approved by your health care provider) is often something that one would begin at around 36 weeks.
  • Perineal Massage - massaging the perineum before childbirth helps to stretch the tissues, and more importantly – creates an awareness of the muscle.  When a baby’s head is crowning, the mother must consciously relax her perineum to help prevent tearing- this can be a challenge unless one devlops an awareness about this muscle, and practices relaxing it even when there is pressure against it.  Ask your health care provider or doula for a hand out with detailed instructions on how to do this and what stage of your pregnancy this is appropriate.
  • Educationgroup or one on one prenatal education classes can make a big difference for people.  Also reading inspiring and educational books can help you gain an understanding about the physical and emotional changes you can expect throughout your pregnancy and labour.  Become aware about common medical interventions and medications – find out the common reasons for their use and the possible side affects.  Ask questions of your doctor, midwife and doula - knowledge is power!
  • Meditation practicing meditation throughout your pregnancy, and particularly leading up to labour can help you stay feeling centered.  Meditation can mean many different things for different people – it can be guided meditation with a mentor, or simply taking 10 minutes out every day to sit and enjoy nature, or some quiet time to connect with your baby and your body.
  • Choose your support team carefully -  people often envision a bit of a gathering for their birth, it’s important to realize that labour is a very primal experience and one needs to feel comfortable on every level to do whatever it is their body feels.  It’s a good idea to have an extra set of hands because labour can be long and often requires a lot of: massage, counterpressure, the fetching of food and beverages, preperation of comfortable places, photo taking if desired, additional information and suggestions when mom and partner are exhausted, giving the partner a break to pee / eat/ sleep when needed, and of course reassurance and support for the partner as they support the mother.  Choose somebody that you feel comfortable vocalizing around – if the people you have in mind are going to be anxious about seeing you experience intensity, or fearful of possible complications, or tend to ask a lot of questions for reassurance (ie: are you ok? do you need anything?) it may be wise to consider other support people or deligate someone to guide and reassure the people you have with you.
  • Hire a doula doulas are educated and experienced in such a way that they help create a quiet, calm, and confident environment through gentle guidance and reassurance to loved ones and the labouring mother.  A doula can offer updates, reassurance and guidance to family or friends that are present or waiting near by; a doula provides the mother with physical necessities (or guides her partner to) without having to be asked; a doula offers appropriate phrases and statements to mother and partner for the various stages of labour; a doula can provide, and show the partner, acupressure to ease pain for the labouring mother; a doula often carries heating pads, homeopathics, aromatherapy and other tools to help mom cope with the intensity of labour; a doula can help the parents remain calm, informed and empowered throughout even a complicated labour therefore creating a more positive birth experience.
  • Perineal healing – after giving birth many women experience discomfort as a result of hemorrhoids, tearing, or swelling – this can be soothed by applying cold pads soaked in Natural Creation Postpartum Wellness Bath Tea.  Postpartum Wellness Bath Salts can also be added to a hip bath.  Taking homeopathic arnica can also help reduce swelling, and sore muscles over the whole body (again – consult your health care provider).

For more information on how to help achieve a positive birth experience please contact a doula in your area Vancouver –  Kelowna —  Victoria for a free consultation.

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Fact of the day!

For those of you that don’t know,  I’ve applied to the UBC midwifery program 2 years in a row now.  This year will be my 3rd attempt.  This year they added a new pre-requisite, which I am completing through Thompson River University. The Anatomy & Physiology course I’m taking is absolutely fascinating!  It’s making me even MORE excited and hopeful about the possibility of attending the midwifery program in 2012…wish me luck!

My studies this morning are about the skeletal system, I came across a piece of information which explains the science behind our reassurances: ‘everything is working perfectly together for you to have your baby! your body has amazing capabilities, and knows just what to do to birth this baby!’

This simple paragraph will answer:

How will my body accommodate this baby (which is appearing quite large while I look down on my belly!) in childbirth?

Why do my hips and pelvic area feel sore / achy? (aside from the obvious weight you are bearing, your bones are in fact moving)

And later… Why am I back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but my clothes still don’t fit?

Here’s the magical answer!

“….Joint flexibility may also be affected by hormones.  For example, toward the end of pregnancy, a hormone called RELAXIN increases the flexibility of the fibrocartilage of the pubic symphysis and loosens the ligaments between the sacrum and hip bone.  The changes enlarge the pelvic outlet which assists in delivery of the baby.” (source: Introduction to the Human Body, Gerard J. Tortora & Bryan Derrickson)

That’s right.  Relaxin is the key!  So…relax, your body is accommodating your baby perfectly.

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Event this Tuesday!

Come to the Pomegranate Open House this Tuesday from 6:30pm-9:30pm

 

Pregnant in East Van

I will have Natural Belly Bars on sale for $9 (reg 13.95)

Home Birth kits on sale for $22 (reg $28)

Postpartum Bath Teas on sale for $5 (reg $8.95)

Serious savings at this wonderful community event!  That’s just from Natural Creation – meet and explore the amazing support for growing families in the Vancouver.  Hope to see you there!

Emily

 

 

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Research on Maternal Separation

Most of my clients are certain of a few things from the beginning – one thing is that they want immediate skin to skin contact with their baby, as long as it is medically safe.  There is always new research and further confirmation to support this basic instinct.

Baby

Sleeping Baby

Ways to reduce the need for your baby to be separated after birth are:

- interview your health care provider

- keep healthy throughout your pregnancy

- hire a doula 

- educate and prepare yourself – knowledge is power

 

 

Maternal Separation stresses Baby, Research Finds

ScienceDaily (Nov. 2, 2011) — “A woman goes into labor, and gives birth. The newborn is swaddled and placed to sleep in a nearby bassinet, or taken to the hospital nursery so that the mother can rest. Despite this common practice, new research published in Biological Psychiatry provides new evidence that separating infants from their mothers is stressful to the baby.

It is standard practice in a hospital setting, particularly among Western cultures, to separate mothers and their newborns. Separation is also common for babies under medical distress or premature babies, who may be placed in an incubator. In addition, the American Academy of Pediatrics specifically recommends against co-sleeping with an infant, due to its association with Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or SIDS.

Humans are the only mammals who practice such maternal-neonate separation, but its physiological impact on the baby has been unknown until now. Researchers measured heart rate variability in 2-day-old sleeping babies for one hour each during skin-to-skin contact with mother and alone in a ….” Read More

 

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