For my baby shower back in November 2006, my friend cut out a number of stars and moons, and painstakingly covered each one with various colours of construction paper. They were ready for the shower so that every person there could write some words of wisdom, or a message to my baby on them. (it was a fantastic idea!) To this day I reread them. They are strung on a ribbon hanging in my son’s room. One of my favourites is from a dear friend who had a 9 month old at the time of my shower, he was a bit cranky at the shower, and her message said “and sometimes babies cry, and that’s ok”. I’ve revisted that little message a few times and it has brought me a surprising feeling of comfort – it’s just a little reminder that you can’t always know exactly what’s troubling your little one, and all you can do is your best, and sometimes they still cry – and it’s ok!

I was reminded of this today while on an outing with another friend of mine. Her daughter is now 16 months, and is cutting some of her last few teeth. She is a beautiful and spirited little thing! Her and my son had spent the day playing, and she was tired, and likely in pain from the teething, and who knows what else – anyway, she was quite fussy indeed. We were at a coffee shop, and most people there seemed not to mind her fussing, but there was one man in particular that was very bothered and kept shooting my friend dirty looks, as if she was doing something wrong, or as if she should “get control over her kid” as some people might say. It really bothered me to see this – my friend immediately felt guilty and embarrassed – as it is hard not too when you can feel someone’s strong judgment. We promptly left the coffee shop, and she told me that she feels she can’t leave the house with her daughter because she fusses too much. It made me think about the number of mothers I know that leave a public place the second their child starts fussing, they leave events with friends, and even friends’ houses because they feel that their child being seen out in public fussing and crying is somehow unacceptable.

If mothers continue to leave when their child fusses, and continue to feel that it isn’t entirely acceptable, I fear that many people may have a misconception about what parenting is like, and what normal baby behaviour really looks like. I do agree there are times and places that it is appropriate to remove the child from the situation – but I also feel that our society should be more accepting, and understanding of this perfectly normal behaviour so that mothers do not feel guilty and isolated, and parents to be are not startled when their own child behaves this way at times.

It is normal for babies to cry, it is their way of expressing many emotions. As parents we of course do everything in our power to figure out and fix whatever is troubling our children – but if you just can’t figure it out, it does not mean there is anything wrong with your child or what you are doing: it simply means they are normal and expressing themselves the only way they know how.